Manic Mondays and Such

Manic Monday Have you ever heard the expression “Manic Monday“? I swear it must have been coined by someone who works in the field of addiction treatment. Sometimes I walk into Monday morning staffing with what seems like “umpteen” issues coming at me like rapid fire. Bam, bam, bam! Last week Monday seemed to roll into Tuesday which bled into Wednesday. Problems and issues ranging from easily solved to 911, and in no particular order. A resident wants to leave AMA, a family is upset about a development note web portal glitch, an alumni relapsed and is unwilling to reengage […]

Divine Intervention

BRC Recovery For many years, I bought into the delusion that if I wanted to stop using, I would. “I just don’t want to,” was my response to family members and loved ones who watched me face external and internal consequences repeatedly.  Despite the uncontrollable sadness, anxiety, overwhelming anger, and an overall inability to show up for life, I could not see how sobering up would solve these problems. It seemed impossible, and honestly, I was not interested in a new way of living. At 18 years old, I was faced with a number of legal consequences – consequences I […]

Fixing Myself, Part 2: The Paradox of Focusing on Myself

You’ve discovered your loved one or friend is an alcoholic or addict—now what? For many people in that situation, their first reaction is, “What can I do to fix my alcoholic/addict?” It took a while for me to figure out that I couldn’t “fix” my son. Instead, I needed to focus on fixing myself, because my son wasn’t the only one who had issues; our whole family system was broken. As I began going to therapy sessions and reading books about broken families, l discovered many resources are available to people who are on the journey toward recovery. Because people […]

My Journey Through Sobriety

Before arriving at BRC Before arriving at BRC I was a broken man. Struggling in life, jobless, penniless, drowning in alcohol, drugs, and misery, a shell of my former self. Not knowing where or how I went wrong in life, I was lost. Fortunately my worried, loving, and supporting parents held an intervention on me and by the grace of God, I ended up on BRC’s doorstep. At that point in my life I wanted to change, but I just didn’t know how or even where to start. Through the excellent direction, support, and caring of the staff, I started to gain […]

Fixing Myself, Part 1

You’ve discovered your loved one or friend is an alcoholic or addict—now what? For many people in that situation, their first reaction is, “What can I do to fix my alcoholic/addict?” I know that was my reaction, and I tried a lot of things that didn’t work: checking his trunk to see if he had bottles or cans stashed, drawing up agreements for him to sign, buying a breathalyzer, and the list goes on…. It took a while for me to figure out that I couldn’t “fix” my son. Instead, I needed to focus on fixing myself, because my son […]

The Power of Hope

I must be the Greatest When he beat Liston in 1964 and said “I must be the Greatest”, I was 11 and average. From that moment on, I wanted to be great.” –Thomas Henderson, former Dallas Cowboy I had the opportunity last week to attend the West Coast Symposium on Addictive Disorders. What an amazing event held in beautiful (albeit HOT) Palm Springs, California! On Saturday night BRC hosted an intimate gathering of old and new friends to network and discuss treatment solutions, have a nice meal and enjoy fellowship (and air conditioning!!) I was seated next to an employee, […]

Waking Up

BRC Recovery My name is Caroline Holderfield, and I am a Recovery Coach with the Women’s Segue Program of BRC Recovery. During my active alcoholism one of the most painful parts of each day for me was waking up. I still very clearly remember the mornings when I would awake fairly sober to suffocating fear that felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I would immediately reach for whatever substance I had to calm my nerves and allow me to breathe. When the Big Book talks about the Four Horsemen—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair— it perfectly describes the state […]

The Night That Changed My Life

My Life Looked Like Four Years Ago I vividly remember what my life looked like four years ago. My family and I were in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico for New Year’s Eve of 2012. The hotel we were staying in had a fancy dinner buffet and free drinks to go around. People of the hotel were laughing, celebrating, and creating meaningful memories with each other. Not that I didn’t create a meaningful memory for my family and myself, but it was not a memory to be proud of. I was in full blown addiction by this time in my life. […]