The Gift of Presence

Regret Of The Past Have you ever wondered what it would be like to not live in fear of the future or regret of the past? Where would your mind wander and where would your focus land if not in front of you or behind you? The answer is simple. You would live in the here and now which is the ultimate goal of the awakened spirit. It sounds so simple anyway. Everywhere we look are beautifully written poems hung with fancy frames in the hallways of homes or inspiring sayings sewn into throw pillows on the couches. They encourage […]

Divine Intervention

BRC Recovery For many years, I bought into the delusion that if I wanted to stop using, I would. “I just don’t want to,” was my response to family members and loved ones who watched me face external and internal consequences repeatedly.  Despite the uncontrollable sadness, anxiety, overwhelming anger, and an overall inability to show up for life, I could not see how sobering up would solve these problems. It seemed impossible, and honestly, I was not interested in a new way of living. At 18 years old, I was faced with a number of legal consequences – consequences I […]

Create the Fellowship You Crave

My struggle with alcoholism and drug addiction My struggle with alcoholism and drug addiction began at the age of twelve years old. I have experienced darkness that neither I nor my family were prepared to encounter.  From multiple hospital and psychiatric unit stays, to jails and twenty-five residential treatment centers it continued for what felt like an eternity.  I was the garden variety drunk who chronically relapsed.  Nothing could keep me sober and I tried everything that I thought possibly would, except the 12 Steps of course.  I reconciled that I would likely spend the rest of my life in […]

Coming Full Circle

BRC Recovery’s Bringing Real Change To some it may seem that moving back home to the Northeast in the midst of a heroin pandemic was completely irrational, but today I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have been given the rare opportunity to carry the message of hope to those suffering from the disease of addiction in my community through BRC Recovery’s Bringing Real Change NE Citywide Meeting. Growing up in small town New England was everything out of a story book.  The fresh cut green grass, the vibrant colors of the autumn leaves and the cheering on the […]

My Journey Through Sobriety

Before arriving at BRC Before arriving at BRC I was a broken man. Struggling in life, jobless, penniless, drowning in alcohol, drugs, and misery, a shell of my former self. Not knowing where or how I went wrong in life, I was lost. Fortunately my worried, loving, and supporting parents held an intervention on me and by the grace of God, I ended up on BRC’s doorstep. At that point in my life I wanted to change, but I just didn’t know how or even where to start. Through the excellent direction, support, and caring of the staff, I started to gain […]

The Power of Hope

I must be the Greatest When he beat Liston in 1964 and said “I must be the Greatest”, I was 11 and average. From that moment on, I wanted to be great.” –Thomas Henderson, former Dallas Cowboy I had the opportunity last week to attend the West Coast Symposium on Addictive Disorders. What an amazing event held in beautiful (albeit HOT) Palm Springs, California! On Saturday night BRC hosted an intimate gathering of old and new friends to network and discuss treatment solutions, have a nice meal and enjoy fellowship (and air conditioning!!) I was seated next to an employee, […]

Waking Up

BRC Recovery My name is Caroline Holderfield, and I am a Recovery Coach with the Women’s Segue Program of BRC Recovery. During my active alcoholism one of the most painful parts of each day for me was waking up. I still very clearly remember the mornings when I would awake fairly sober to suffocating fear that felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I would immediately reach for whatever substance I had to calm my nerves and allow me to breathe. When the Big Book talks about the Four Horsemen—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair— it perfectly describes the state […]

The Night That Changed My Life

My Life Looked Like Four Years Ago I vividly remember what my life looked like four years ago. My family and I were in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico for New Year’s Eve of 2012. The hotel we were staying in had a fancy dinner buffet and free drinks to go around. People of the hotel were laughing, celebrating, and creating meaningful memories with each other. Not that I didn’t create a meaningful memory for my family and myself, but it was not a memory to be proud of. I was in full blown addiction by this time in my life. […]