God Made Me This Way

Why are they so skinny?

While having my morning cup o’ Joe, I sat and watched an episode of Dr.Oz. The segment was about learning to love yourself the way that you are and being your best self.  God always knows what I need to hear and when I need to hear it. At over eight months pregnant now, it is easy to compare myself to other women.  Why are they so skinny? Why haven’t they gained as much weight during their pregnancy as I have during my own? What can I do to get in shape? All are serious questions that I ponder in my delusional mind on a daily basis. Not only have these been thoughts during my pregnancy, but thoughts throughout my whole life.

We alcoholics suffer from a spiritual malady. One that tells us we are never good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough. The list could go on and on. It has always been easier to listen to the delusional mind rather than changing the thought into a positive affirmation. We live in a world where Botox, Kylie Jenner Lip Kits, and every type of nip and tuck you can think of has taken center stage.  What is the next best diet I should try? Will it work this time? Will I honestly feel better if only I was (fill in the blank). This is where the real work has come into play in my recovery. It’s not even about the drink or the drug anymore. Drinking or using is the last action taken in the alcoholic spiral.

Today it is about my mind and what I do to change my delusional thoughts. The connection with my Higher Power is grown through action and more action. So that is what I set out each day to do. Self-acceptance is tough for all of us. There is always the fine line between wanting to get in shape and be an all-around better human being, and having unrealistic expectations of what I think I SHOULD look or be like. God tells us that no one is perfect, but the work comes into play when we actually believe that. Gosh, that is tough.

On a daily basis, I tell myself that I am meant to be the way that I am for a reason. God has a unique and specific design for using me each day I choose to connect with Him. I use self-affirmation and positive thinking to change my mind into telling me that I am good enough the way that I am. Of course, we all want to be healthy and look our best, but obsessing about the next best diet has trickled away from my daily thoughts. When we think about jumping into the next best “fad” we see posted all over social media, we must remember to ask ourselves “is it worth it?” Remember, God made us this way and it is okay to love yourself for who you are. Perfection is the enemy of God being able to use us in His all perfect plan today!

Lauryn Crutchfield
BRC Recovery