Sign up to receive weekly Motivation Mondays for Families emails
ATTITUDE
Attitude is the one thing we can control in every situation. You’re not a victim of everything that happens unless you choose to see yourself that way.
RESPONSIBILITY
What is my responsibility? I am NOT responsible for my alcoholic loved one’s drinking, sobriety, job, cleanliness, diet, dental hygiene, or other choices.
PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION
Progress can be hard to recognize, especially if our expectations are unrealistically high.
FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is not forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt. Can I identify areas I have been unwilling to let go of and that are hindering my own happiness?
THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL
We have to learn to stop obsessing over control. Once we see that our attempts to exercise power are based on illusions, it is easier to let go and let God.
YOUR HIGHER POWER
Is there an area of my life that I treat as though it were too important to turn over to my Higher Power? My way has seldom worked in the past.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT?
Things that are urgent are rarely important, and that things that are important are rarely urgent. Don’t lose sight of what really matters in recovery.
TRUST THE PROCESS
“Always be a work in progress.” Consider praying for an attitude of progress, not perfection, in the process of your loved one’s recovery.
AUTHENTICITY
Ask yourself questions to maintain your authenticity. “Has maintaining an image become more important than my emotional freedom today?”
DETACHMENT
The word detachment is often misunderstood. For me, detachment is the freedom to own what is mine and to allow others to own what is theirs.
COURAGE TO CHANGE
Today, with the support of Al-Anon members, I am able to face the reality of the past, not to place blame or wallow in self-pity but to learn from it.
STEP TWELVE
Step Twelve: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
STEP ELEVEN
Step Eleven: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
STEP TEN
Step Ten: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
STEP NINE
Step Nine: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
STEP EIGHT
Step Eight: We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
STEP SEVEN
Step Seven: We have humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
STEP SIX
Step Six: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
STEP FIVE
Step Five: We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
STEP FOUR
Step Four: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
STEP THREE
Step Three: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the to the care of God as we understood Him.
STEP TWO
Step Two: We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
STEP ONE
Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
ACTIVITY
Many times, we have boundary problems because we lack the initiative to propel ourselves.
ENVY
The problem with envy is that it focuses outside our boundaries, onto others.
PROACTIVITY
Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose and what they stand for. Proactive people do not demand rights, they live them.
EVALUATION
Deciding to set boundaries is difficult because it requires decision making, evaluation and confrontation, which in turn, may cause pain to someone we love.
MOTIVATION
If your giving is not leading to cheer, then you need to examine the Law of Motivation.
RESPECTING BOUNDARIES
We must learn to respect the boundaries of others, and in that process, to be aware that they are making choices based on their own freedom.
CHRISTMAS
We are blessed to walk shoulder to shoulder with you and so grateful to be celebrating the magic of Christmas with you all!
POWER
One key to serenity in your life is dependent upon the ability to determine what you can and cannot change.
RESPONSIBILITY
Problems arise when boundaries of responsibility are confused. We are to love one another, not be one another.
ALLOW OTHERS TO REAP WHAT THEY SOW
Prolonged substance abuse causes consequences – the First Law of Boundaries states that we must allow our loved ones to reap what they sow.
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
When we allow events to unfold organically, we find a balance in doing our best.
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Making assumptions is rooted in fear and often used to replace the need to communicate. In our study of the Four Agreements, we learn to overcome this urge.
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
When we stop taking things personally, it can be lifechanging. It sets the stage for us to ask for what we need, and to choose to respond rather than react.
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
In recovery, we are taught to say what we mean and mean what we say. But how many times have we broken the agreement to be impeccable with our word?
LEAVING YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Family recovery teaches us new tools. Will we continue to commit to leave our comfort zone in an effort to expand and renew this life of recovery?
COMMUNICATION
Over time, we learn various tools and practices which allow us to cultivate a relationship and communication with a Power greater than ourselves.
MINDFULNESS
Setting an intention, creating boundaries, and practicing mindfulness can help to restore the family unit. Instead of being driven by fear, find your peace.
HAPPINESS
As we move through this newfound life in recovery all will not be smooth sailing. We can make the choices that will grant us happiness.
SELF-CARE
Self-care is often something that has been neglected within the recovering family system.
FOCUS ON THE PRESENT
We must live our lives one day at a time. Our yesterdays have no importance except as experience in the making today more fruitful.
SOLUTIONS
Though we come to Al-Anon to deal with a specific problem, we do not always realize that developing ourselves could be the answer.
PRESENCE
My ability to be present in my life today is directly dependent on my prayer and meditative communication with God. How can I practice presence?
TODAY
Always keep in mind that today – not tomorrow – is your sole concern, and that you will make it as good of a day as you can.
COMMUNITY
We come together in an Al-Anon group for the purpose of sharing experience, strength and hope with each other: to form a community.
DETACHMENT
When I detach my mind from what is troubling me, my problems often resolve themselves. Or it may be that leaving them to God gives Him a chance to take a hand in my affairs.
LIVE AND LET LIVE
When my thoughts are centered on learning to live, I will be less tempted to involve my mind with the thoughts of how others should live.
OVERCOMING HOPELESSNESS
Can I believe that my situation is not really hopeless and that I am capable of improving it?
ONE DAY AT A TIME
“I pray to God to help me understand that the alcoholic’s fate is not in my hands. I will leave to Him whatever action is to be taken.”
MIRACLES
It isn’t so hard to believe in miracles in Al-Anon. We see such miraculous changes in people who came as newcomers, but what they learn in Al-Anon makes a tremendous difference in their own outlook.
HANDS OFF
Al-Anon principles set a pattern before me: to work on myself and to stop interfering with others. The words for the procedure are “hands off.”
HIGHER POWER
The Higher Power we read about in the Twelve Steps is a spiritual idea.
ACTIVITY
It is vital to the process of lasting recovery that each member of the family actively sets healthy limits.
ENVY
The problem with envy is that it focuses outside our boundaries, onto others.
PROACTIVITY
Proactive people do not demand rights, they live them.
EVALUATION
As iron sharpens iron, we need confrontation and truth from others to grow.
MOTIVATION
The Law of Motivation says this: freedom first, service second.
RESPECT
We must learn to respect the boundaries of others and be aware that they are making choices based on their own freedom.
POWER
One key to serenity in your life is dependent upon the ability to determine what you can and cannot change: your power in a given situation.
RESPONSIBILITY
When we accept responsibility in our family system for the behavior of the addicted loved one, the love in our relationship is damaged.
SOWING AND REAPING
When substance use disorder is present in the family system, we find that the law of reaping what we sow is disrupted.
COMFORT ZONE
A comfort zone is a beautiful place. But nothing grows there.
COMMUNICATION
In the program of recovery we learn various tools for developing our spirits and they all take much practice and dedication.
MINDFULNESS
Practicing mindfulness on a daily basis plays a vital role in the recreation of our lives, especially when we care for those recovering from addiction.
ACCEPTANCE & SPIRITUAL TRUTH
Acceptance is a vital part of recovery. This spiritual truth exists to remind us that at any point, we can make a decision.
PRACTICING SELF CARE
Self care is often something that has been neglected within the recovering family system. How are you nourishing yourself today?
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Under any circumstances, simply always do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Don’t make assumptions. Instead, find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
DON’T TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY
Don’t take anything personally. This choice sets the stage for us to ask for what we need, respond rather than react and hold boundaries without guilt.
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
The first entry in our series on The Four Agreements. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
STRENGTH
We are used to fixing, concealing, arranging and managing. It takes tremendous strength to learn to love with boundaries.
SERVICE
The easiest venue to begin to learn how to be of service is in the rooms of Al-Anon and other family support groups.
HUMILITY
Humility… Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised.
COURAGE
Courage is key to recovery. In the realm of the spirit we learn that our lives unfold directly proportional to the amount of courage we practice.
SERENITY
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
UNSELFISHNESS
Interestingly, when we begin to work a program of recovery, spiritual principles like unselfishness are often hardest to practice in our own homes.
TOLERANCE
Tolerance is not ability to tolerate a person or situation, it is the ability to place yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand with compassion..
LOVE
We hold each other accountable and offer unending support. Love is the belonging we have to one another on this amazing journey called recovery.
ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance is the foundation of long lasting peace and happiness – finding it is quite another story. “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”
HONESTY
Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. Find the courage to be transparent in all your affairs.
GRATITUDE
Whether we feel grateful or not, it does our spirit well to bless those around us by practicing an attitude of gratitude!
BROTHERLY LOVE
The principle of brotherly love is ultimately driven to keep us in the circle of unity. Why is that important in family recovery?
THE PAST
Problems of the past need not concern me today. Our yesterdays have no importance except as experience in the making today more fruitful.
SOLUTIONS
Now I know that the solutions rest with me. With the help of my Higher Power, I can adorn my life with comfort, serenity and enjoyment.
PRESENCE
“God is present in all His creatures, but all are not equally aware of His presence.” I will accept His help in everything I do.
LIVING FOR TODAY
I will make this day a happy one, for I alone can determine what kind of day it will be.
FELLOWSHIP
Fellowship and community are two of the most important components of your personal recovery. By leaning on and learning from others, we become stronger.
DETACHMENT
It isn’t easy to grasp the Al-Anon idea of detachment. We are told to detach from the problem, not from the suffering alcoholic.
LIVE AND LET LIVE
When my thoughts are centered on learning to live, I will be less tempted to involve my mind with the thoughts of how others should live.
SELF-PITY
I could bring myself to a brighter view of life if I weren’t always feeling sorry for myself; despair is often a mask for self-pity.
COVER UPS & FATE
You may be tempted to engage in a series of “cover ups” for your addicted loved one, but consider this: does that enabling help them to get well?
MIRACLES
It isn’t so hard to believe in miracles in Al-Anon. We see such miraculous changes in people who came as newcomers and are transformed by the process.
MANIPULATION
Al-Anon principles set a pattern before me: to work on myself and to stop interfering with others. The words for the procedure are ‘hands off’.
HIGHER POWER
We may think of this Higher Power as God – Goodness, Power, Love, Spirit, Father, Friend. The very fact of our surrender, our humility, makes it spiritual.
EXPOSURE
The Law of Exposure says that your boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship.
ACTIVITY
The Law of Activity: It is vital to the process of lasting recovery that each member of the family actively sets healthy limits with one another.
ENVY
If we are focusing on what others have or have accomplished, we are neglecting our responsibilities and will ultimately have an empty heart.
PROACTIVITY
Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose and what they stand for.
EVALUATION
It is important to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries, but that does not mean that we should avoid setting them.
MOTIVATION
“The Law of Motivation says this: Freedom first, service second.” If your giving is not leading to cheer, then you need to examine the Law of Motivation.
BOUNDARIES
“Boundaries define us. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.”
THE SPIRITUAL
“We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. Regardless of how I define that Higher Power, it is here for me.”
ATTITUDE
Your attitude is the one thing you can control in every situation. “I’m not a victim of everything that happens unless I choose to see myself that way.”
PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION
Progress can be hard to recognize, especially if our expectations are unrealistically high. Don’t expect unhealthy behavior to change overnight – chip away.
FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is not forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt. Can I identify areas I have been unwilling to let go of and that are hindering my own happiness?
GIVING UP CONTROL
I wanted to stop trying to control people and situations, and someone said that I couldn’t give up something that I didn’t have.
YOUR HIGHER POWER
Is there an area of my life that I treat as though it were too important to turn over to my Higher Power? My way has seldom worked in the past.
WHAT’S IMPORTANT?
Today, maintaining my serenity is my first priority. Have I identified important priorities for my journey to recovery today? If not, get a list going!
TRUST THE PROCESS
“Always be a work in progress.” Consider praying for an attitude of progress, not perfection, in the process of your loved one’s recovery.
AUTHENTICITY
Ask yourself questions to maintain your authenticity. “Has maintaining an image become more important than my emotional freedom today?”
COURAGE TO CHANGE
There was a time in my life when I furiously insisted that alcoholism did not exist in my family. We were normal; everything was fine!
TWELVE STEP SERIES
Step Twelve: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs…
TWELVE STEP SERIES
Step Eleven: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out…
Sign up to receive weekly Motivation Mondays for Alumni emails
TAKING ACTION IN RECOVERY
Am I connected with a group of people practicing the principles of recovery? Do I find myself growing more when I surround myself by people taking action?
OUR PHILOSOPHIES
Looking back, we can see how the philosophies we had during active alcoholism, and maybe even at times throughout sobriety, couldn’t serve us long term.
DEFECTS OF CHARACTER
We have to find the assets to our defects of character and put them into action. Steps 6 and 7 are a practice we must bring into our lives every day.
FELLOWSHIP IN RECOVERY
The fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is not only a testament to the Twelve Steps, but also a place where people who feel the same way can come together.
THE CYCLE OF ADDICTION
When we break down the cycle of addiction, we can see how the three parts of this disease lead into our sprees, consequences, and resolutions.
MEDITATION
In a meditative state, we converse with our Higher Power and ask for direction. Through meditation that we experience growth alongside our Higher Power.
THE 10TH STEP
In the 10th Step we continue to take personal inventory, acknowledging when we are selfish, resentful, fearful, or dishonest.
NIGHTLY REVIEW & REFLECTION
The nightly review routine is an easy process to miss if we aren’t careful. Take a moment for yourself and prepare for tomorrow.
TAKING ACTION IN ADDICTION RECOVERY
Throughout our time doing the work outlined in the Big Book, we are called to action. Words such as “launched”, “immediately”, and “vigorously” are written repeatedly…
STEP FIVE
The process of getting sober is about more than what we have lost or the dark places we have gone to. Though those are important experiences…