“If our boundaries are not communicated and exposed directly, they will be communicated indirectly or through manipulation.”
~ Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend ~
(Authors of Boundaries)
The Ten Laws of Boundaries Series
Law #10: The Law of Exposure
A boundary is a property line. It defines where you begin and end. The whole concept of boundaries has to do with the fact that we exist in relationship, and finally about love. The Law of Exposure says that your boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship. We have many boundary problems because of relational fears. We may fear feelings of guilt, loss of love, loss of connection, denied approval, receiving anger or being known. Families often suffer when they form secret boundaries which are never expressed or if we privately endure the pain of someone’s irresponsibility instead of telling them how their behavior effects us or the family system. This can deny them the information that is vital to their recovery process. These relational problems can only be solved in relationships, for that is the context of the problems themselves, and the context of spiritual existence.
3 C’s of Al-Anon
- We didn’t CAUSE it
- We can’t CONTROL it
- We can’t CURE it
AND WE WON’T CONTRIBUTE TO IT TODAY
Questions to Consider This Week
- Have I considered the possibility that my boundaries may be communicated in an unhealthy manner when I fear communicating them directly?
- Do I have experience with building walls, punishing, or manipulating my relationship under the delusion that I am setting healthy boundaries?
- Has my family suffered when I privately endure the pain of others instead of voicing how I am being effected by their behavior?
- Does the Law of Exposure and the freedom that it offers me, resonate with my spirit? Am I willing to begin practicing making my boundaries visible to others and communicating them in relationships?