Weekly Focal Point:“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.” -Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, Authors of Boundaries
The Ten Laws of Boundaries Series
Law #1: The Law of Sowing and ReapingWhen substance use disorder is present in the family system, we find that the law of reaping what we sow is disrupted. Prolonged use of alcohol and drugs correlates often with a host of consequences. Families struggle with the urge to step in and reap the natural consequences of what their loved one has sowed in an attempt to protect them. Stepping into this role enables them to continue in irresponsible behavior. This cycle breeds frustration, fear and resentment to all members of the family. In effect, the lack of boundaries dictates that the family “cosign the note” of life and pay for it physically, emotionally and spiritually. Establishing clear boundaries assists the family members to stop interfering with the natural order of consequences that is vital to the process of recovery and affords the person struggling an opportunity to face their problems and accept responsibility.
The Three C’s of Alanon
We Didn’t Cause It: Step one states, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.” Addiction is a chronic disease, and there is nothing we can say or do to stop our loved ones from using or drinking.
We Can’t Control It: Step two states, “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” We realize there is nothing we can do to control addiction. Instead, we seek a power greater than ourselves to rely upon, just as our loved one is doing.
We Can’t Cure It: Step three states, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” After we realize there is nothing we can do to control the addiction, we can begin putting it in the hands of our Higher Power.
Considerations for the Week
1. Do I often struggle to allow my loved one to face their consequences without my interference? Do I make excuses and cosign their behavior?
2. Is it possible that my loved one will never accept responsibility for their behavior as long as I am willing to accept their behavior for them?
3. Am I fearful of setting healthy boundaries in my family due to upsetting my loved one?
4. Would you consider the possibility that a lack of boundaries is likely not only an issue in your family system but in your relationships with colleagues, friends and extended family members?
The Family Afterward Meeting
Next Family Afterward Meeting will take place, March 28, 2023 at 7 PM CST via Zoom.To join click the link below!
BRC Monthly Speaker Meeting
BRC Healthcare’s monthly speaker meeting is back! Join us April 8th for food, fellowship, and speaker Blake R. Doors open at 6 PM with the meeting beginning at 8 PM. This event is open to the general public and all in the Austin recovery community. We look forward to reconnecting with each of you in Mark Houston Hall.For those of you who are unable to attend locally, livestream over Zoom will be available.